| Author | Message | ||
| Christopher T George
Senior Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 3499 Registered: 12-2004 |
Traveler of Mine While I stayed home to tend to our garden, you journeyed far from me. I thought of you alone on snowy platforms awaiting the express to transport you from Irkutsk to Omsk. I smiled as I cut up marrows in Mason jars, preserved your favorite chutney. You wrote me jasmine- fragrant words from Rawalpindi, complaining of sand flies. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yet all that while she showed you vistas that I never could. I could not suspect she was stroking your hand as you composed the note from Zanzibar to tell me of the emerald earrings you would bring back to reward my love. You betrayed me in beds in Sydney... San Diego, you stretched languidly on silk sheets at the Plaza. I imagine you in the palm court as musicians play a Strauss waltz; her small neat hand feeds you bonbons, neapolitan petit fours. Christopher T. George (Message edited by Chrisgeorge on December 15, 2005) Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ Co-Editor, Loch Raven Review http://www.lochravenreview.com/ http://chrisgeorge.netpublish.net/ | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 5928 Registered: 07-2001 |
Chris, another great story. I wonder if here You betrayed me in beds in Sydney... San Diego, you stretched languidly on silk sheets at the Plaza. you might treat the part San Diego on in the S like you did earlier. Smiles. Gary A River Transformed http://www.lulu.com/content/178110 . December's FireWeed http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ | ||
| Christopher T George
Senior Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 3502 Registered: 12-2004 |
Thanks, Gary. Not sure quite what you mean re San Diego unless you are suggesting a gap like I formatted earlier, done there of course for the turning point realization in the reader's mind. Chris Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ Co-Editor, Loch Raven Review http://www.lochravenreview.com/ http://chrisgeorge.netpublish.net/ | ||
| Lazarus
Intermediate Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 465 Registered: 10-2005 |
I'm seeing a knife held all the while in a small firm hand. “Something sacred, that's what they want” -Jim Morrison. From the movie “The Doors.” | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Advanced Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 782 Registered: 01-2005 |
Chris, I love the luscious texture of your language in this one ... reminiscent of Lawrence Durrell in Alexandria 4. A sordid picture painted in renaissance oils. Wonderful! bw, Denis Personal website - dmgar.com - Haiku Unchained Blog - Haiku Harvest magazine - My Lulu.com bookstore | ||
| Christopher T George
Senior Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 3508 Registered: 12-2004 |
Thanks, Lazarus and Denis, for your kind words! Chris Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ Co-Editor, Loch Raven Review http://www.lochravenreview.com/ http://chrisgeorge.netpublish.net/ | ||
| Emusing
Moderator Username: emusing Post Number: 2370 Registered: 08-2003 |
Vivid scenes Chris. A good read. Who is he? E | ||
| Christopher T George
Senior Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 3524 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hi E Many thanks, E. Fictional characters. Glad it seemed real to you.  Chris Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ Co-Editor, Loch Raven Review http://www.lochravenreview.com/ http://chrisgeorge.netpublish.net/ | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 6090 Registered: 11-1998 |
Biting, but surprisingly not as harsh as it could have been, Chris. Interesting that you took on the voice of a woman. I think you did your characters justice. | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1094 Registered: 08-2005 |
Very interesting, especially writing from the woman/wife betrayed. Oooooooooooh I hope she gets her revenge (even in fiction! LOL) You must write one about him eating poisoned chutney. Or at least some strong bacteria in it where he vomits (almost) his life away. A bit harsh I suppose, but I cannot stand betrayal. |
